Conflict and Collaboration: 2 sides of the same coin
Dr Susan David highlights a common challenge:
why do we fear healthy conflict and reject our difficult emotions in favour of false positivity?
To engage in conflict and collaboration, we need both Will and Skill.
The ‘will’ is largely a factor of the environment we operate in.
“Is it sufficiently safe for me to challenge the status quo?”
“And if so, how deep can I go?”
2 Approaches for Leaders:
1. Highlight Opportunity, by creating a vision or exploring possibility.
Then, set the team the task of figuring out how to get ‘there’. This approach enables leaders to create an environment in which ‘constructive conflict’ is not just accepted, it’s celebrated.
It’s a classic ‘offensive’ strategy, which is very comfortable for most groups. It generates lots of “What if… we did this or that, or changed this or that, or took this approach rather than that approach?”.
It creates a discussion which is the very definition of ‘constructive conflict’, ie. it has a productive goal and is focussed on a positive outcome. I call it ‘directed dreaming’ and by its very nature it creates collaborative conversation.
When we’re in this mode, our brains are encouraged to explore, expand, create, imagine, discover. It’s also a whole lot of fun, in part, because we are the disrupters creating the change.
The optimistic opportunity strategy works brilliantly, so long as it appears largely plausible, reasonable, and feasible. In other words it has to be within the realms of possibility, not fantasy, to be effective.
2. Defensive Strategies are the other common approach leaders take to disrupt the status quo.
We’ve all experienced it: “we need to retain this level of growth, we need to win against that competitor, we need to grab this market share”. Whilst that’s the harsh reality of business, it’s a less comfortable place to be, because we are the ones being disrupted and forced to defend.
Our brains are literally operating from a defensive place where they are more naturally guarded, cautious and concerned. This is where we more naturally put up boundaries; explain why it isn’t possible or highlight limitations of products and blame the impact of others.
It’s exactly this dynamic leaders fear, precisely because it has the potential to ‘kill the will’
In response, leaders often ‘flip the switch’ hard, reverting to implausible possibility and unbounded positivity.
The leader’s intention of course, is to create engagement, excitement and commitment. The irony sadly, is that by inadvertently going too big, too far or too fast, we all but crush the very Will that is required, to engage in the constructive conflict and collaboration necessary to disrupt the status quo. People shut down, overwhelmed by the size and scale of the task.
The Impact of sustained implausible Possibility and Positivity
The risk is we:
inadvertently make it unsafe to point out potential derailers,
potentially leave important issues unaddressed and
creative ideas on the table.
In our bid to motivate, we inadvertently make it harder to find a solution or solve a problem, because it isn’t safe to engage in the very skills critical to disrupting the status quo and innovating.
Whilst a degree of fear or concern can be a useful catalyst, too much, however, and we defend, defend and defend, losing our explorer mindset and the confidence to take risks and make a difference. We shut down and play it safe.
Leaders need to balance positivity with reality to unleash conflict and collaboration
To maximise impact, teams need to be able to play both mindsets; offense and defence - often in the same conversation.
The Art of Creating the Will
For the leader, the art in creating the ‘will’ is knowing when we need explorers to embrace possibility, and when we need defenders to dig deep, and find a way to solve some gritty challenges.
Leaders also need to be aware when they’re at risk of ‘killing the will’ through either, too much positivity or too much fear. The effect of either on the brain is much the same – it trips the ‘safety’ mechanism.
Whilst there is a good degree of ‘art’ in creating the “will”, the skill is relatively mechanical.
To unlock collective intelligence through collaboration and challenging, we need a team culture which is sufficiently connected to enable us to ask the curious questions and go through the messy process of making mistakes and learning from each other along the way.
Strong bonds of connection, teamed with the flexibility to play offence or defence, create cultures ripe for collaboration and challenge.
What Leadership Style is Most Effective?
Supportive and constructive leadership with a focus on coaching, rather than directing, creates the foundations on which robust collaboration and challenging occur in teams.
The next time you and your team need to shake things up - in a bid to disrupt or defend – check in and ask yourself:
Will an offensive or defensive discussion serve us better? ie. do I need explorers or defenders?
At what point might we be in danger of ‘killing the will’ - either through too much optimism or too much fear?
As the conversation progresses, ask yourself:
how connected and curious are the team?
to what extent are they engaging in imperfect ideas and daring debate?
To create more skill and will in your team, check out the 3 behaviours | 30 days Thriving Teams Challenge toolkit.
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